Introduction:
The poem entitled Love Poem For A Wife - 1, like several other poems by Ramanujan, shows his interest in family life. This poem appeared in Ramanujan's second anthology, Relations; Poems. In this poem the poet stages a powerful psychic drama. In this poem, the speaker (the poet) has much to say about his wife and about himself too, besides speaking about his and his wife's relatives. The poem is an account of the speaker’s married life and the reasons which have led to the failure of his marriage. The family figures and relationships have become the signs and symbols for the expressions of the poet's emotions. It is an autobiographical and confessional poem like most of the poems of A. K. Ramanujan. This poem shows Ramanujan's gifts of humour, wit and irony. The title itself is ironical because it is not a love - poem which he has written. The poem is an exposure by the speaker of the deficiencies, shortcomings, and faults of the woman whom he has married. The speaker in the poem ridicules his wife's father for having been an ill-tempered man and for his habit of pacing to and fro and smoking a cigarette while waiting for her to return from her dates given to her boy - friends.
 |
| A. K. Ramanujan’s Love Poem for A Wife-1— Stanzawise Summary and Critical Appreciation |
Summary of the Poem:
Stanza 1:
Really what keeps us apart
at the end of years is unshared
childhood. You cannot, for instance,
meet my father. He is some years dead.
Neither can I meet yours:
He had lately lost his temper
and mellowed .
Explanatory Word - Meanings:
Really ... apart= the poet (speaker) tells his wife the reason of their alienation. Apart = distant, on one side, separate. At the ... years= many years of their married life have passed, but there is no familiarity between them and there is still a sort of monotony in their relationship. Unshared childhood= perhaps there may be one reason of this unfamiliarity and alienation that they have not shared their childhood experiences. You cannot…father= poet's wife cannot collect information about the background of her husband's family and his life because poet's father has died several years ago. Neither ... yours = the poet too cannot know much about her life because her father is ill - tempered. He had ... mellowed= the old man was no longer irritable but had softened in his temper.
Paraphrase:
The poet is in a reminiscent mood. He contemplates over the emotional alienation with his wife, with whom he was married long ago. He could not find emotional fulfilment with his wife, which pains him. He always pined for emotional attachment with his wife, but his feelings could never be honoured and appreciated by his wife. She never shared with poet's emotions. Many years had passed of their married life, yet there was a kind of unfamiliarity between them. The poet observes that the main cause of this alienation and unfamiliarity was that they could not share experiences since childhood onward. The early years of life are the formative years. Husband and wife cannot emotionally understand each other and cannot cultivate emotional identification and assimilation with each other, unless they live together childhood onwards. The poet and his wife did not have much knowledge about each other's bygone life because the sources of knowing each other's background were no more. Poet's father had already departed from this world and his wife's father who was in the beginning an ill - tempered man, but now he had greatly softened in his disposition.
Stanza 2:
In the transverse midnight gossip
of cousins’ reunions among
brandy fumes, cashews and the absences
of grandparents, you suddenly grow
nostalgic for my past and I
envy you your village dog - ride
and the mythology
of the seven crazy aunts .
Explanatory Word - Meanings:
Transverse= set crosswise, lying or situated in a cross direction. In the transverse ... gossip = the poet recalls those moments when his and his wife's cousins used to sit in cross directions and remain involved in gossips from evening to midnight. Cousins’ reunion = the gathering of poet's and his wife's cousins after a long interval. Brandy ... cashews= sipping a kind of wine prepared from grapes and chewing cashew - nuts. Fumes = vaporous exaltation from matter, esp., of an odorous or harmful nature. Cashews = small kidney - shaped nuts. The absences of grandparents= there were no old persons to interrupt their gossips i.e., they were already dead. You suddenly ... my past = at these meetings poet's wife would become curious to know the details of her husband's past life. I envy ... aunts= because of his wife's enjoying dog rides in her childhood and inventing the wonderful stories of her seven crazy aunts , the poet was envious of her.
Paraphrase:
The poet contemplates over those meetings which held in the evening with drinking and gossiping and continued till midnights. In these meetings, his and his wife's cousins met together. They met after a long interval so there remained a kind of enthusiasm among them. Their merriment continued from evening to midnight. They gossiped, sipped brandy and chewed cashew - nuts. They could talk and enjoy freely as their elders were not present. Their grandparents had already departed from this world. There was none to create hindrance in their liberty. During these meetings, the poet's wife would become extremely curious to know the details of her husband's past life while the poet envied her wife's childhood because she used to enjoy dog rides. He could not tolerate the invented stories of his wife's seven crazy aunts.
Stanza 3:
You begin to recognize me
passing from ghost to real
and back again in the albums
of family rumours , in brothers’
anecdotes of how noisily
father bathed,
slapping soap on his back.
You find sources for a familiar
Sheep - mouth look in a sepia wedding
picture of father in a turban
and mother standing on her bare
splayed feet , silver rings
on her second toes;
and reduce the entire career
of my erstwhile unique self
to the compulsion of some high
sentence in his Smilesian diary.
Explanatory Word - Meanings:
You begin ... me= poet's wife was curious to know how he (the poet) looked in his childhood. Passing ... albums = poet's wife had already known a lot about his childhood's activities from the family album. Of family rumours = she knew about him from the members of family. In brothers’ anecdotes = poet's brothers told many things about his father. How noisily ... bathed= his brothers also told her about the noise which his father used to make during his bath. Slapping ... back = poet's father especially used to make noise while rubbing soap on his back. A sepia of wedding picture = a picture of the wedding in brown water colour; a wedding shown in a water - colour painting or in a drawing; or, perhaps, a faded photograph. Sheep mouth look = a foolish expression. Father in a turban = on the occasion of wedding, his father wore a turban. Mother ... toes= on this wedding occasion, the poet's mother turned her feet outward and she wore silver rings on her toes. And reduce ... self = the poet's wife formed this opinion that the poet could achieve anything unique in life due to God's blessings; otherwise he was a born fool. To the compulsion ... sentence = poet's wisdom flourished under the guidance of God. His Smilesian diary = his diary was full of wise and instructive remarks like those made by the famous writer , Samuel Smiles , whose books on self - help and wise living are well known .
Paraphrase:
According to the poet, his wife was always curious to know about his past life and his childhood. She was ever trying to collect the information related to poet's life so that she might be able to confirm something exciting. Once she got an album which contained the pictures of poet's family members and relatives. She was extremely eager to know how the poet looked in his childhood. In this way, she succeeded to know a lot about the poet. She had great interest in collecting the information which indicated to the poet. Once she was told that poet's father used to make noise while bathing and rubbing soap on his back. The poet wore the expression of foolishness when he showed her the pictures of his father taken on his wedding day. His father wore a turban on that day while his mother wore silver rings on her toes. Poet's wife preserved an opinion that he (the poet) was nothing without fate or God's blessing. She oftenly thought and told the poet that he could get anything extraordinary in life because his fate and God's grace helped him. She called him a born fool and a meaningless person. He next expresses his view that of late he had become a unique person perhaps in obedience to the wise precepts offered in his late father's diary which contained precepts and instructive remarks like those offered by the famous author Samuel Smiles in his books.
Stanza 4:
And you father, gone irrevocable
in age, after changing everyday
your youth's evenings,
he will acknowledge the wickedness
of no reminiscence: no, not
the burning end of the cigarette
in the balcony, pacing
to and fro as you came to the gate,
late, after what you thought
was an innocent
date with a nice muslim friend
who only hinted at touches.
Explanatory Word - Meanings:
Irrevocable= that cannot be retracted or revoked. And you ... age = his wife's father has become very old and his attitude has also changed. Now he has brought a great change in him. After ... evenings = when the poet's wife was young , she used to pass her evenings out of her house and her father tried hard to mould the conduct and behaviour of his daughter . He will ... reminiscence = now her father does not believe that there can be any wrong in any past action. No, not ... the cigarette = in the former years, his wife's father used to smoke cigars in order to get relief from tension while waiting his daughter. In the balcony ... late = his wife's father kept walking to and fro in the balcony till late night. After what ... touches= but his daughter consoled him by saying that she did not lose her chastity in the company of the Muslim boy and he only touched her amorously but had gone no further.
Paraphrase:
After speaking about his own father, the poet goes on to speak about his wife's father. In her youth, the poet's wife used to spend her evenings and even nights out of her house because she had an affair with a Muslim boy and her father made many efforts to mould her behaviour and conduct. But now her father does not believe that there can be wrong in any past action. Her father easily believed on her explanation. In former years, he used to wait her standing in the balcony for several hours. He kept on waiting and watching for her. In order to get rid of tension, he used to smoke many cigars. On her arrival he was consoled by her false explanations. She consoled him by saying that she maintained her circle and she did not allow him to go ahead or to cross his limit. He only touched her body amorously. Now whenever her father is asked her previous activities, he easily ignores by pretending that his daughter had no affair with any Muslim boy.
Stanza 5:
Only two weeks ago, in Chicago
you and brother James started
one of your old drag - out fights
about where the bathroom was
in the backyard
before, or after, the well
Next to the jackfruit tree
in your father's father's house
in Aleppi, Sister - in - law
and I were rather blank, cut - outs
sitting in our respective
slots in a room
that was nowhere as the two of you
got down to the floor to draw
blueprints of a house from memory
on everything, from newspapers
to the backs of envelopes
and road - maps of the United States
that happened
to flap in the other room
in a midnight wind ; you wagered heirlooms
and husband's earnings on what
Benjamin Uncle in Kuwait
would say about the Bathroom
and the well and the dying,
and by now dead,
Tree next to it.
Explanatory Word - Meanings:
Only two ... Chicago = recently two weeks ago an incident of quarrel took place in Chicago. You ... was = poet's wife and her brother James started arguing on the subject of bathroom and this argument changed into a quarrel. Before ... in Aleppi = they quarrelled about where the bathroom was situated in the backyard in their grandfather's house. Sister - in - law ... room = the poet and James’ wife did not participate in this argument and quarrel. They were only watching their quarrel on the subject of bathroom. Nor did they care them due to being busy in their matter. That was ... everything = then poet's wife and her brother sat on the floor of the room and started drawing a sketch of that house from memory. They also analysed of everything contained in the house while refreshing their memory. You wagered ... earnings = they decided upon a wager. If the poet's wife is wrong, she will appoint her brother heir of her husband's total earnings and in the case of James’ being wrong, he (James) will appoint her heir of his total property. On what ... to it = they decided that for the final consequence, they would depend on their uncle who lived in Kuwait.
Paraphrase:
Now the poet comes out from his contemplation mood and thinks of his wife who has not brought even a bit of change in her. She has maintained the same nature by now. Further the poet narrates an incident which happened in Chicago. Only two weeks ago , in Chicago , she and her brother James had started quarrelling about where the bathroom was situated in the backyard in their grandfather's house in Aleppi whether it was situated to the north or to the south of the well next to the jackfruit tree . The poet and James’ wife did not interfere in their argument and quarrel. They were stood aside in the room and were only watching their proceeding quarrel. Later on his wife and James sat on the floor of the room and started sketching of their grandfather's house. They wanted to locate the right place of bathroom in their map. They drew the sketch on the newspapers, on the backs of envelopes and on the maps of the roads of United States. Whatever they got, they started drawing sketch. They also decided upon a wager on the right location of bathroom. The poet's wife decided to appoint her brother the heir of her husband's total earnings if proved wrong and her brother would appoint her the heir of his total property. They left the rest matter for their uncle who lived in Kuwait.
Stanza 6:
Probably only the Egyptians had it right:
their kings had sisters for queens
to continue the incests
of childhood into marriage .
Or we should do as well - meaning
Hindus did,
betroth us before birth,
forestalling even separate horoscopes
and mother's first periods
and wed us in the oral cradle
and carry marriage back into
the namelessness of childhoods.
Explanatory Word - Meanings:
Probably ... right= in the matter of sharing childhood experiences, the ancient Egyptians were wise. Their kings ... marriage = the poet points out that the ancient Egyptians did the right thing by establishing a custom that the heir to the throne should marry his own sister because the marriage was then sure to prove successful because the prince and his sister would be able to share their childhood experiences . Or we ... Hindus did = the poet gives another example of Hindu tradition in which his marriage could have proved a success. Betroth ... childhoods = according to Hindu tradition, some Hindu mothers betrothed their sons and daughters even before they were born because by that method the need for horoscopes in the case of these boys and girls would not arise and due to being brought up by their mothers in close proximity , they would be able to share their childhood experiences after their marriage.
Paraphrase:
The poet then goes on to say that his wife and he could have had a successful marriage if he had married his own sister because then he could have shared his childhood with her, while his marriage to his present wife had failed because he had not shared his childhood experiences with her . In this respect, the ancient Egyptians were wise because the ancient Egyptian heirs to the throne were under a traditional obligation to marry their sisters. In this case the marriage was sure to prove successful and the prince and his sister would be able to share their childhood experiences. Actually, of course, the ancient Egyptians had established this custom so that the throne should at no stage pass into the hands of foreigners. Another way in which the speaker's marriage could have proved a success was that his mother had, during her pregnancy, given a promise to some other pregnant woman that, in case she gave birth to a son and the other woman gave birth to a daughter, the boy and girl would in due course be married to each other because in that way also the newly born boy and girl would have been able to share their childhood experiences by being brought up by their mothers in close proximity to each other. In that case the boy and the girl could even have been married when they still lay in their cradles. This custom was prevalent in ancient India. Some Hindu mothers betrothed their sons and daughters even before they were born because by that method the need of horoscope in the case of these boys and girls would not arise.
Critical Appreciation of the Poem:
The Subject - Matter of the Poem: A Poem about Conjugal Life:
Love Poem for a Wife 1, like several other poems by Ramanujan, shows his interest in family life. According to a poet - critic, the family is one of the central metaphors with which Ramanujan thinks. Ramanujan's familial interest shows itself also in the poem entitled Obituary in which the speaker has something to say about the circumstances of his late father; and this interest shows itself too in the poem entitled Of Mother, Among Other Things in which the speaker has something to say about his mother. In the poem before us , the speaker has much to say about his wife and about himself too , besides speaking about his and his wife's relatives . The poem is an account of the speaker's married life and the reasons which have led to the failure of his marriage, particularly the worsening of the conjugal situation with the passing of years.
The Speaker's Ridiculing His Wife on Various Grounds:
Love Poem for a Wife I shows Ramanujan's gifts of humour, wit and irony. The title itself is ironical because it is not a love - poem which Ramanujan has written. The poem is an exposure by the speaker of the deficiencies, shortcomings, and faults of the woman whom he has married. The speaker does not praise himself by any means. He speaks about himself also in a disparaging tone; but his irony and wit are directed chiefly against his wife and against his wife's father. The speaker ridicules his wife for her talking a lot about her seven crazy aunts who probably did not exist at all . He ridicules her for having had dates with a Muslim boy and for coming home late at night and telling her father that there was nothing at all between her and the Muslim boy . Then he ridicules her for getting into a meaningless discussion with her brother James as to where precisely the bathroom was situated in her grandfather's house in Alleppey. And he also ridicules her for having offered her family heirlooms and her husband's earnings to James if she lost the bet about what the uncle in Kuwait had said about the bathroom, the well, and the dead tree by the side of the well.
The Speaker's Ridiculing of His Wife's Father:
The speaker in the poem ridicules his wife's father for having been an ill-tempered man though by now he has greatly softened in his disposition. This father used to wait for his daughter till late in the night because she used to go out to keep dates with boy - friends , particularly with a Muslim boy who only hinted at touches (meaning that he merely tried to touch her amorously but never actually dared to touch her or to go beyond touching her). The speaker also ridicules his wife's father for his habit of pacing to and fro, and smoking a cigarette, while he waited for her to return from her dates. Then he ridicules her father for having expressed the view that there was no wickedness in remembering one's past misdeeds.
The Speaker's Ridiculing of Himself and of His Own Father Too:
The speaker does not spare either himself or his own father while making his attacks; and here too his remarks are ironical and witty. He speaks about his father's noisy bathing in the course of which the father used to rub the soap on his back with a lot of zest and vigour. He also ridicules his father for the way in which he maintained a Smilesian diary (meaning a diary which contained some wise utterances and instructive aphorisms in the style of the famous author, Samuel Smiles). And he ridicules himself for the silly, sheepish look which appeared on his face when he showed his wife the picture of his father and mother on their wedding - day, the father wearing a turban and the mother wearing silver rings on her toes. He also ridicules himself by saying that some time ago he had become a unique person and that this fact had been recorded by his late father in his diary.
Other Examples of Wit and Humour in the Poem:
Then there is some wit in the poem, even apart from these satirical attacks on his wife, on his wife's father, on himself, and on his own father. This wit shows itself in the speaker's pointing out that the ancient Egyptians did the right thing by establishing a custom that the heir to the throne should marry his own sister because the marriage was then sure to prove successful because the prince and his sister would be able to share their childhood experiences . Actually, of course, the ancient Egyptians had established this custom so that the throne should at no stage pass into the hands of foreigners; but the speaker in the poem gives this custom a witty twist. And the speaker gives another witty turn to his argument when he speaks about the habit of some Hindu mothers to betrothe their sons and daughters even before they are born because by that method the need for horoscopes in the case of these boys and girls would not arise. Then there are certain humorous touches in the course of the poem too. There is, for instance, the family reunion at which the cousins sip brandy and chew cashew nuts, and there are no grandparents to interrupt the midnight gossip. Later in the poem there is a humorous reference to an uncle in Kuwait , and also to a dying tree which must be dead by now.
